Recently an attorney
told my friend that he did not like movies like "Terms of Enderment" because these types of movies were depressing.
This is true. But millions of people endure the kind of loss and sadness depicted in the movie "Terms of Enderment".
People who have not suffered the pain and anquish from the loss of a love one sometimes have no patience for people who have
difficulty moving forward after the death of the ones they love. If you are that person this is an article you may want
to skip. This article focuses on the sense of loss I and others around the world feel. This article is not a plea for
sympathy or empathy. It was written to bring awareness. Maybe I am selfish to focus on myself in this article.
But, I believe this article represents all of us. We all suffer with loss at different times in our lives. Each
of us are forced to create an illusion or a fantasy of hope that can help us get through the day. This is what I am
trying to accomplish with this writing. I have included three photos in this article along with the music I'll Be Home
I'll Be Home For Christmas
The Christmas season starts after Labor Day
for me and this year I am going home for Christmas. I am really excited and like a little child I can't wait for the
day to arrive. It has been almost 6 years since I've been home for Christmas. But, early Christmas morning I
am going to climb into my red Camaro and head south down 1-65 to a little restaurant that I will call home on Christmas Day.
I am taking a box of photos of my wife and children. I will also watch videos of her and the children that I took years
ago during the Christmas season.
Christmas was always magical when my wife was alive. I miss
walking through the kitchen while she was preparing the Christmas dinner and kissing her on the cheek as I snatched a piece
of turkey. I am going to enjoy eating turkey, dressing, green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry and pumpkin pie
with a large glass of ice tea. After I eat I will play the Christmas fireplace video on my I Pad as I look at the photos
of my wife that mean the most to me. With these photos I will remember what a wonderful life I once enjoyed with her.
I will dine in the corner booth and the table will be set for two. I will imagine my wife is with me and I
will slowly close my eyes and take my time to imagine how she would appear if she was actually present. I will remember
some of her most favorite expressions and also the way she told me "I love you John". Before she died my wife
said to me, "I will come visit you in your dreams" and she has kept her word. She does visit me in my
Recently in my dreams she said, "I am lonely John. Come be with me. I love you and I miss you."
Sadly, this is not possible and that is why I am doing my best to share Christmas with her through my memories and my imagination.
When I leave the restaurant and get into my Camaro, I will start the engine and drive to the four way stop. I will be
leaving behind me the most meaningful experience of my life in 2020. At the four way stop I will make a decision as
to what I will do for the rest of my life. I have four choices but each choice is the same. Each road will take
me to a town or a city where I am not known well or have no family. Each road will take me away from the restaurant
that for a brief day I made into a home for my deceased wife and me. Being more logical than romantic, I will take the
road to Louisville ( where I do have real friends) and I will find a way to reinvent myself again and pretend, like I did
in the restaurant, that life is exactly the way I want it to be. I will stop thinking about myself and how much I miss
my wife and I will start thinking about what I can do to be helpful to others. The greatest meaning I have
found in life has come while I have been in service to others. The only way I have been able to cope and deal with the
loss of my wife (even after 6 years) is by getting involved in ways to benefit others who probably share the same life experiences
as I have described in this little story. Life is rough but it is better for me when I forget about myself and
try to be helpful to others. Merry Christmas everyone.
John Rodgers, publisher, Big Pages America
In memory of a remarkable woman
and wife. 1949-2014